I've been struggling for the last 2 years, with a (not that much) brilliant idea in mind, and then trying to convert it into a state-of-art piece of literature. But not to my surprise, they all turned to absolute shit like a ten years old kid's scribble. Guess that's what you get when you think you can do everything in one try, Am I disappointed? Can't say I'm not, but I totally expect that. Then you may ask why are you trying when you know you're going to fail miserably? I dunno either, just want to do something to kill time, and look busy while doing it, so I choose writing.
So what now? As you can see, both of my project have been halted, for an unknown amout of time. I think the only way that those two can continue to go on is for me to be creative again, which is highly unlikely. I'm not dead, but my imagination did, as well as my hopes and dreams, and blah blah blah.
No seriously, if it goes on like this, I might even think about killing myself. This depression stuff is really wearing me off days by days. I can hardly talk normally to my family, and always tired just from socialising with people at work. I'm old enough to take care of myself, but the thought of going to a psychiatrist scare me. I'm afraid of letting people know my secret, of my weakness. I don't like talking to a total stranger who pretends to listen while not giving a single fuck, and it's costly as hell too. May as well stay like this until I find a solution for myself.
I should get myself together, but I don't know why. I may need help, but I dout anyone could help me at this point.
